Haircut day

I went to a savvy (Korean) hair salon today (technically yesterday) for my haircut. Since my mom told me that the hairstylist she booked me with was pretty fluent in English, when I went up to him, I spoke in English (naturally). We were getting along pretty fine, speaking in English, although his seemed a bit broken and pretty heavily accented. Then we got onto the topic of whether English was my first language and when I told him I came from Korea, he asked me in Korean when I came to the States. I replied, in Korean as well (to somewhat prove to him that I can understand/speak Korean I suppose), that I came in 3rd grade. Then he said, "Well, English is basically your first language then.." I shot back saying that no, Korean is, but he went onto ask that there are a lot of things in Korean that I don't know, right? And of course, I said right...

I was pretty disheartened though.

I'm not going to lie: before sophomore year, I was somewhat anti-Korea/Korean heritage/Koreans. The Korean fobs annoyed the hell out of me, the Korean actors/actresses seemed too meh for my taste, the Korean music was too tacky, and I pretty much wanted to be like my white friends from middle school: tall, "pretty," and so... American. But after sophomore year, when I surrounded myself with Korean people in Korean 4 honors, and after junior year, when Spencer updated me every single minute he was online with Korean entertainment news, I began to appreciate. My brother and my perspectives in our cultures totally swapped with each other. Before sophomore year, I was anti-Korea and Kevin was pro-Korea, chastising me and saying things like, "Korea is so great! You should be proud to be a Korean." Now, whenever I listen to Korean songs, my brother would roll his eyes, pretend to gag, and ask me why I enjoy Korean entertainment when I'm a resident of the great United States. Is it so wrong for me to enjoy things from my homeland? to want to become completely fluent in my first language so that I can be considered an excellent bilingual?

No! It shouldn't be. I feel like I'm trapped in a gray area. When I'm around white people, I want to show off that I can be just as American as they are. When I'm around Korean people, I want to show them that I can speak Korean, understand what they're saying, know (some of) the things they talk about. It really sucks.

Other thing that really sucks is my lack of self-control. After Shannon's low-carb diet, I've been wanting to cut back on some carbs as well. I'm not doing too bad, really, but there are those times when I think, 'Ah screw it, I'll just eat less later'. Or 'This will be the only thing I'll eat today since it has a bunch of carbs anyway'. Do I need to have Jessica Alba or Son Dambi tattoed on the back of my hand or something? to keep me from grabbing fatty foods? Gah, I need to discipline myself. RESIST.

Getting my hair cut was refreshing. My head feels lighter. My hair feels healthier. The only weird part is that when I run my fingers through my hair, I'm pretty disappointed that I meet the ends of my hair strands so quickly. I guess I miss running through my long hair the most. But other than that, change has come! I shall start my life anew!